I have many enemies in the City in which i choose to dwell. I have found it difficult to understand why. But through chatting with a good friend and NLP expert i seem to have reached a conclusion.
I think being generous can be a fault when you are not clear to the other person what you expect in return (if anything). You can get into the habit of saying yes and helping everybody out, and being the most generous guy. You send out a clear message to the people you come into contact with that you are willing to drop everything to make them happy and you require nothing in return.
What often happens is after some time of this set up you begin to wonder when the other party is going to return the favour or begin to give back.
But it never seems to happen… and as time goes by you can get quite miffed until one day you might. like me, flip out!
I then tell the person that i am not willing to do this set up anymore as it’s unfair… and often end up falling out after a mental argument. The problem here is the other person had NO IDEA this was coming as for a long period of time you have given the signal that it’s OK to take take take and that giving for nothing is what YOU do! You are the easy going guy who will drop anything to help someone and nothing is a problem…
They grow to expect it and then WOLLOP!!!! you have had enough and you scare the shit out of them when you decide to voice it.
Managing Expectations and learning to say No can counteract these problems i think.
Although this is a very recent discovery for me so i am only just putting it into practise.
I got into a pattern of falling for people’s guilt trips and feeling sorry for people and doing whatever they wanted to make them happy. I am now learning to say NO from the beginning and destroying these patterns of friends and associates EXPECTING me to do as they please.
I value my time and if i give it i will make sure it is for the right reasons.
Fuck them and fuck my enemies! You know who you are. I done loads for you and just because i don’t want to anymore no need to be out there dissing me.
Onwards and Upwards.