The Birth Of Clusterfuck.


Gary and Hank


[Free Download at bottom of page]

I was watching the final episode of The Larry Sanders Show. One of my favourite characters of all time, the amazing Hank Kingsley, was having a total mental collapse after the news of his show getting cancelled. During his nervous breakdown he raged at Larry that he aint gonna put up with his shit no more and, if he carries on, he will choke him, with his ass. Yip. Choke him with his ass (or in Welsh: arse). A few scenes later Hank is crying on Larry’s and Rip Torn’s shoulder, blubbing away, so distraught, bless him.

The Larry Sanders Show final episode coincided with the demise of my band in 2013 (ok i was watching it a decade later than most people). Dr Conker had ascended and we were left bickering and never spending any time together. I related with Hank’s frustration and anger. I immediately ripped his breakdown out of the show and whacked it over a sample i had made previously of the infamous Glitter Beat…..

Yes. Hank Kingsley and Gary Glitter gave birth to Clusterfuck.

I jammed around with it and exported a rough demo, which i entitled ‘Grow A Pair’. (below)

A year later i was jamming with an old mate and we started making some tunes. Everything sounded so angry.


Pestis: The Bastard Son of Gary and Hank

the 1st tune was an Angry reaction to the shit that was ATOS. A Tory programme that was removing disabled peoples benefits en masse. It was wreaking fucking havoc across the UK with many vulnerable, incapacitated and ill people losing their basic living help, resulting in extreme poverty, depression, starvation and in several cases suicide. Fucking Tory cunts then somehow got voted back in. How. THE . FUCK.

Then we made a video for another outburst of anger. The most cathartic song i had ever made where every last molecule of anger left me and for a short period of time only existed in this song!

Then we thought ‘fuck it that was fun, lets make an album’. So we started jamming and meeting weekly and making a racket. A lot of the shit we were making was angry. But we wanted to let a range of our emotions come through and we didn’t want it to be all us shouting and screaming. We decided to do a couple of covers. Something, until then, i was dead against. But, we were loving an old obscure rockabilly artist called Benny Joy and decided to cover a few of his songs. One of which we used the old GROW A PAIR track for……. (a song about suicide, the eerie ‘Dark Angel’, track 2 on the album).

We also decided to open up the album to guests who were keen to get involved and sent out some invites to people we knew. a few people dropped some vocals and bits and bobs and before we knew it we had a nice collection of tunes.


After much fighting with each other we christened the debut album ‘Dear Mortal’. It’s a weird collection which somehow is, for me, a total release of everything i felt in the last 2 years. out. gone. nice.

We may take the project live, see how it goes. We never aimed to please anyone. This was for us. And we made sure it was as selfishly honest as possible. We are chuffed with the feedback from all of people liking the album so far but it’s not about that this time. its about letting something out. something that was trapped.

Creativity is essential. Let it GO. EXPRESS your SHIT in your OWN weird WAY! and move the fuck on.

follow clusterfuck on facebook here or grab the album  here.

here’s our original demo of Dark Angel, without the words. As it was then called ‘Grow A Pair’. Free Download. Check the album to listen to the final version.




i played a full on bouncy set in Solfest in august, all the ladies were bouncing and even had a geezer in a disability scooter rocking. its a strange little mix. but a lot of fun. i burned it onto CD and sold a few copies but its never been online so for the 1st time ever here it is. Free download for the 1st hundred people who grab it . Merry Christmas!!!

soundcloud link


CHAV PUNK HOBBIT – Self Publishing Experiment update 1

got the fuckin book out. you probably noticed. i aint stopped wheezing about it. just hit my first 100 sales. which i was chuffed with as my friend sue who bakes vegan dog biscuits and has published many novels told me that 95% of self published books sell less than 100 copies. so much for the long tail. good for amazon. shit for the poor writers!!!! no one gives a fuck about you! but if theres enough of you the service selling all these are making a killing. lol. so whats the answer? 1000 true fans? maybe.

so got 103 copies sold, that pushing it out to everyone i know. now is it going to stall or are they all gunna go out and scream about my book so it spreads round the world? no idea. need to think of the next step.

im sure the old days were better. when the publisher done all the shitty marketing and distribution for you. they had the contacts and the ability to put in front of people. now its up to us. and what the fuck do we know?

we can write. a bit. thats it. now we need a plan to get it out there. word of mouth? can it work? isnt that how 50 shades of grey become a best seller? my mate also told me The Martian, that hollywood smash hit from this year, started off as a blog and then he reluctantly self published it and suddenly ?BOOOOOOMF! but thesee are surely freak exceptions to the rule?

how likely is it to reach beyond your circle of influence? friends and family who want to support you? does it all depend on how good it is? or is it about the marketing / distro / money invested?


i dont have answers. but im chufffed im in the 5% who sell over 100 copies. anything else it a bonus now. i think i was right to stick with physical copies only and i might launch kindle version next month see if it makes much difference. any how. if anyones got any answers out there, or tips then hit me up. if you havent got the book yet, its a little travel story which started on this here blog. its a fiver! and id love to know what you think.


chat soon and thanks to everyone of you who have bought it and supported this little side project! nice one!!!!!



go get a copy here for £5

theres even some second hand ones there for about £4. nice one. please get in touch if you have any experience of self publishing or any ideas / advice.

oh and if you’ve read it please review im sure it’ll persuade people to buy it. (even if you thought it was pants) here.