sicknote live at Bird’s Nest, Deptford, London 9/12/11
|AND DR. CONKER CAME BACK!
6pm we left cardiff and off we flew up the M4.
Conk was quiet with his eyes closed dreaming of books, money and boys…
Johnny was rubbing his injured foot while tucking into his 3rd bottle of whiskey
Sheep n Pip were under a big arsed devut stoned off their box and eating sweets
The Filth was face down into his iphone
I was sucking on my pretend cigarette and
Doghouse and Stevie G were up front…
on the stereo on repeat was the new song we laid down the previous night.. “I’m Having A Whitey” which sounded edgy, exciting, awful, banging, ametuer and amazing all at once…
We arrived to a lively pub, with a dried up puke on the door matt, some smiley crusties and some LOUD music! After being thrown some beer tokens I was refused the pint of Guinness i craved for 4 hours in the back of the fucking van… “only cans of piss sorry mate” Grrrrrrr!
|Andy K and his Hairy Cheek smashed it!
The venue was a good old school pub and as we warmed our cockles a short Chinese dude with one hairy cheek took to the stage armed with an ipod, a guitar, a tom drum, and some kind of weird elctro squelchy machine. He proceeded to bang the shit out of it all with a stick and the room was infected by the amount of fun this guy was having.. he literally didn’t give a shit! He then announced his CD was 20p, so i gave him 20p and shook his hand. I had just witnessed one of the best sets of 2011. I think his name was Andy K, i’ll add more info when i dig out the CD i bought..
Suddenly there was a potent stench of human shit in the air. I mean not a little bit. i mean i was choking on the stench. i know i give up smoking recently so i may be sensitive, but right now i wanted to smoke the strongest fuckin fag in the world…fuck it gimme a bong! Anything to rid my windpipe of this TASTE!
I went outside for air. came back in and headed back stage to a small kitchen. Doghouse entered and bang the stench was back.. “fuck man you shat yourself or what?” “little messy” he replied as he started to wash his hands. i legged it to the stage…
Only to discover there was no monitor speaker. Not ideal when your drummer is practically deaf!
Luckily they managed to wire up a fat bass amp which was distorted to fuck but we pointed it at Filthy’s head. bingo, the room was tiny, the system was pretty fat and a good little crowd of mad heads gathered as Doghouse entered the stage with a clean pair of trousers on!!!! “WTF!?!?!”
“Had a little accident” he sheepishly confessed, “Stevie G had a spare pair in the van”
“Phew!” We’ve all been there.
|Sheep, Doghouse and Conker warming up
BANG!!! we dropped the bassline from ectoplasmic to a rip roaring cheer.. and a twitch from the dogs sphincter signalled the start of a frenzy as people began to rock and bounce and go mental.. i could see some friendly faces like Lou Disgrace, Bri and Sam covered in sweat and enjoying themselves.. the crowd spilled onto stage and Smaragda my laptop was all over the place, Doghouse stood up and belted out the words to ‘TAXI for LIONEL BLAIR’ and the crowd launched him into my laptop and disconnected it completely…. we brought it back in soon after and the crowd were getting riotous…
i was looking forward to debuting the new punk single “Whitey” when suddenly we were cut off with no explanation…and some Samba was being played through the system. eveyone looked at me as they thought i was playing the shit.. confused . com
after 2 minutes i fought my way to the soundman and screamed “WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU STUPID CUUUUUUUUUUNT” in his face. we packed up. then trying to get paid turned into a Benny Hill sketch as i chased Bri around the venue…
finally i cornered her and she said “i’ll pay you half as you only played half a set”
NO FUCKN CHANCE i said as i prised the envelope out of her hands..
back in the van, the stereo spat out the biggest sack of distorted shit all the way home and my head was banging – no rest here folks! welcome to the sickbus.
i had a muffin with Ninjah at 7am in MCdonalds and off to bed i went.
time to get back to the studio!!!
only ONE more GIG in 2011!!! what a year. what a night. what a fuckin band.