so the day had arrived…
it was time to design the EPIDEMIC album cover….
we came up with the name about 6 months ago, and now with the swine flu scare we decided we would go with a pig theme…
so i went to the smelly market and checked out the various butcher’s stores… groce.
i spotted many pig heads, most with the eyes closed…
then at one store there was one face down in the fridge… so i asked if i could see it’s face…
the chubby red faced butcher laughed..
i explained that the pig was going to be a model for a photoshoot for my band and he span the pig head throught the air and presented it’s face to me. it smiled. and had it’s eyes wide open.
i said, thats the one and aked how much. a measly £3. bargain. i aked him to triple bag it as i was genuinely scared by the thing. and found myslef shaking at the prospect of handling it. he launched it into a large see through bag, as it bounced off his slaughtering table, then slotted it into two carrier bags, and presented me with the handles. i handed over the £3 and gripping the handles of the carrier bag made my way across town…
i tried to ignore the fact i was carrying a pig’s head and thought about nice things until i finally arrived at our designer’s house where doghouse also awaited.
Paul managed to get some surgical gloves and doghouse snapped them on and starrted to unpack the thing.
it rolled and squidged and finally it was out.. we screamed, and wheazed and ran from it and all of us looked a little faint.
We decided to name the pig Henrietta…
doghouse winced as he tried to pick her up and his fingers sunk into her squidgy face… the pig looked at us disapprovingly as we finally managed to place her on a deck chair… Paul snapping away various angles but the setting wasnt right.. a fly landed in the nostril and laid a few eggs and i was feeling faint….i said we should throw it in the gutter, so its out of context and on a more contrasting background.
doghouse ran through the house holding Henrietta by the ears and lobber her in the gutter…..
Paul lent into the curb and began snapping, Paul’s oap neighour appeared at her front door and looked upon the scene and exclaimed ‘What on Earht are you doing!!?!?!?!?”
she squawked and dissed us and told paul he was the worst neighbour in the world and screamed to her husband that we had a severed pigs head on her doorstep…i asked her if she would like to lay in shot, and she screwed her face up before slamming the front door…. we clicked away got a few different snaps including some of doghouse holding Henrieeta in his face and also a rather distubing one of him dribbling next to her.
We wrapped up the photoshoot and doghouse bagged up the now extra sqelchy fly-egg ridden Henrietta.
Paul said you must dispose of her.. i dont want her here.
We hopped in a taxi and paid Johnny No-Cash a visit. I had to pick up some CDs so that was the perfect excuse.
Shortly after we arrived there was a knock on the door and an Iceland delivery driver began to bring in Johnny’s monthly shopping order. Johnny helped him drop several carrier bags of groceries in the kitchen and we smuggled our carrier bag amongst the goods.
“See you later mate” we said as we shuffled off down the street.
One hour later Johnny phoned, calling me a cunt. “what the fuck am i sposed to do with that”
“Henrietta is her name. have fun!” i burped as i hung up on him, LMFAO.
Later that evening,
Johnny’s misses, Emma Royd, was away for the evening, and he had some friends over after Netty’s shop.
Emma had decided to come home early for some reason that evening. As she slotted her key in the front door and pushed it open she was greeted with a sight for sore eyes.
Lionel was covered in his own piss on the sofa, Johnny cuddled up with 2 dodgy birds on the other sofa, all of Emma’s wine open and finished, mess everywhere… and yes, you guessed it, Henrietta on the kitchen table looking almost as pale as Johnny.
Emma flipped out, dumped Johnny on the spot and threw all the casualities out of her house, squawking “And take your fucking pig’s head with you!”
Johnny is now homeless…
see the artwork / order the album here.