the sicknote diaries

Johnny No-Cash and The Story of His Teeth.

Johnny No-Cash


A true story involving Johnny No-Cash (Sicknote’s VJ), his teeth and his cat’s arse…

Some people have been asking me recently what happened to Johnny No-Cash’s teeth; he’s been without several of his gnashers for a few months now, which, personally I think, adds to his image of the hard living, rough riding, plains drifting cowboy, but the true story as to how he lost his pearly whites does indeed read stranger than fiction…

Let me take you back a while…

Picture the scene… It’s a Wednesday night and Johnny No-Cash is doing his usual stint at DJing at Annette’s fancy dress shop when a scuffle breaks out behind him. Ever the peacekeeper Johnny decides to step in between the warring parties; a valiant attempt to quash the violence, but in return for this act of selfless diplomacy he receives a well-aimed smack in the mouth, which dislodges his plate of false teeth, which subsequently fall to the floor and brake, leaving the teeth dislocated from the pink, gum-like plate; (Why he needed this plate to replace his original teeth in the first place involves another failed attempt at peacekeeping, when a drunken friend of his unwittingly stumbled into a party of off-duty police officers, who were themselves well oiled and lairy, but that’s another story… I digress) NB. Note to Mr No-Cash… Stop getting involved in other peoples arguments…

Anyway… Johnny No-Cash, after evicting the offending pair of combatants from the premises, picks up all the pieces of his broken plate and puts them in his pocket, with the aim of making repairs the next day.

Next day arrives, and Johnny, a little fuzzy-headed from the night before, sits down with his broken dentures and a tube of superglue to fix them. He carefully glues each tooth back into the plate, taking extra care to position them correctly, then puts the whole thing down next to him on the sofa to dry. He then sits back to watch some TV, pleased with his ad hoc attempt at dentistry, when his cat jumps up casually and inadvertently sits down on the still wet dentures. Johnny’s obvious initial shocked reaction sends the cat darting off the sofa towards the door. Then, as he stands up, the last thing Johnny sees is the cat’s arse, surrounded by his teeth, grinning at him, as it disappears through the cat-flap and onto the street.

This image of a carnivorous cat sphincter is now etched onto his retina as Johnny gives chase, not sure if he should laugh or cry. This feeling of uncertainty gathers pace as he tries to keep up with the cat and then finally succumbs to the obvious question facing a man who works in digital media… Should he go back and get his video camera?

Anyway… this moment of indecision allows the cat enough time to make it’s escape and now Johnny and his teeth have permanently separated company; although I would like to think that the image of the cat’s twitching toothy anus will stay with him forever, and that this story cements the association of Johnny No-Cash and a cat’s bumhole firmly in the mind of you the reader… Woof Woof !!!

Doghouse X

the sicknote diaries



helen back has been taking some of the sicknote load, and it feels great to have some else on board who is willing to do something! instead of just sitting around and waiting for it all to just happen!

she’s been sending stuff out that we have already. and including a postcard with a tantrum sticker and all her contact details and sicknote websites on it. i think its a great idea and it made me think that we should definitely work within our means.
it’s all well and good wanting things to be perfect, but the truth is we just aint got the cash right now. so, lets do the best we can with the little we got!

bla bla bla


Success Must Be Attracted, Not Pursued

some wise words from a man like JIM ROHN in the house:

Personal value is the magnet that attracts all good things into our lives. The greater our value, the greater our reward. Since the solution for having more is becoming more, we must be in constant search for new ways to increase our value. Self-control, the practice of discipline, patience, planning, intensity of effort, the wise investment of a good portion of our results, the development of a well-balanced attitude, consistent activity, the gathering of knowledge, frequent reading and a sensible personal philosophy are all examples of ways in which our value can be increased.
It is the acquisition of more value that we must pursue, not more valuables. Our objective must be to work harder on ourselves than we work on anything else. By giving careful attention to our philosophy, our attitude and our activity, we are making a positive contribution to what we are becoming, and in the process of becoming more than we now are we will attract more than we now have.

check him here:


beat the music industry

Promotion Lessons Learned!


1. Agree a Fee in stone with bands. Make sure it’s very clear how much they are getting before the gig.

2. The people you pay to make the night run better, must know that you want them to take over the role, and to not make it more headwork for you. you are paying them to take the worry away from you.

3. Stay away from the door and switch phone off, or you will get 100’s of people blagging their way in.

4. Don’t open a tab – make sure all riders and your drinks are put in the basement before the gig starts.

5. Split the door work in two 3 hour shifts, saves any boredom & less likely for mistakes to happen.

6. Make sure there is a photographer & someone working mailing list at every event.

7. Have someone who greets people with flyers and a smile outside every event, encouraging people to come in – not security, who normally discourage people, because they want an early night.

8. Get a compere, who can say a few words between each band and gives the night a face + explains a bit to people what’s happning.

9. If you lose money on a gig, don’t tell anybody. Keep a positive slant on your nights.

10. Mingle with the crowd as much as poss, and get to know new people.

11. Make sure you blow the punter away. You want him to tell everyone he knows about your event, and to bring all his mates to the next one.